Um Ya

Tom Cruise-mocking 'South Park' show to air

"Trapped in the Closet," the controversial "South Park" episode that skewers Scientology and its popular proponent Tom Cruise, is hitting the airwaves again.

Comedy Central plans to air the Emmy-nominated episode on July 19. It was last scheduled to rerun in March but was abruptly pulled by the network.

The network rotates its 150 episodes of "South Park" in and out of the broadcast schedule, spokesman Tony Fox said Wednesday.

"This episode just happens to be rotating back in," he said.

The show's co-creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, were told in May that the episode was pulled from the schedule to appease Cruise and his partners in "Mission: Impossible III," according to reports.

"If they hadn't put this episode back on the air, we'd have had serious issues, and we wouldn't be doing anything else with them," Stone said in Wednesday's edition of the trade paper Variety.

MySpace top single U.S. Web site

Online hangout MySpace.com has overtaken Yahoo Inc.'s e-mail gateway as the single most-visited U.S. Web site, although Yahoo's network of sites retains a broader audience, according to a report issued on Tuesday. According to Internet traffic measurement firm Hitwise, News Corp.'s MySpace.com accounted for 4.46 percent of all U.S. Internet visits for the week ending July 8, pushing it past Yahoo Mail for the first time and outpacing the home pages for Yahoo, Google and Microsoft's MSN Hotmail. However, Yahoo's top three destinations -- Yahoo Mail, the Yahoo.com home page and Yahoo search -- collectively attracted more than 10 percent of the total U.S. audience, according to Hitwise data. MySpace's home page and e-mail site only amounted to 7.3 percent of U.S. Web visits, according to Hitwise's list of top 10 U.S. Internet properties for the first full week of July. Yahoo issued a statement saying that: "The Yahoo network is made up of many domains and it is not accurate to compare MySpace.com to just Yahoo's (e-mail site)." In the United States, Yahoo said it attracts 129 million unique visitors per month, which represents 74 percent of the online population in the world's biggest Internet market. By contrast, MySpace reaches only 30 percent of the online audience, with 52 million unique visitors, according to Yahoo.

Full Story Here

Prisoners demand nudie mags

Indiana prison officials are being sued by inmates who want their Playboys. The suit seeks to overturn a Department of Correction policy that bars girlie magazines. The policy went into effect July 1 and bars printed material that contains nudity or other sexual content. Two inmates said the ban is a violation of their civil rights. The lawsuit filed Tuesday in U.S. District Court in Indianapolis seeks class-action status on behalf of more than 20,000 state prisoners. The complaint argues the ban on sexual content won't just apply to magazines like Playboy, Hustler and Easy Rider. The American Civil Liberties Union of Indiana said National Geographic, daily newspapers and private sexually-explicit letters could also be restricted under the policy. Lawyers said said the policy is so broad that it could keep inmates from receiving intimate letters from loved ones or even some great works of art and literature. The two plaintiffs named in the complaint are Ernest Tope, 53, an inmate at the Pendleton Correctional Facility who is serving a life sentence for murder, and murder and auto theft convict Wade Meisberger, 34, who is held at the Miami Correctional Facility near Peru.

Full Story Here

Bootay

Russian Granny Hacks to Death, Dismembers Husband for Sexual Advances

A 66-year-old Russian woman, fed up with her husband’s vodka-addiction and annoying sexual demands, hacked him to death with a hatchet and dismembered his body in the couple’s country-house near Moscow, Moskovskiy Komsomolets daily newspaper reported Wednesday. Early in the morning on the day of the murder, the unlucky husband, 72, started demanding vodka, a usual occurrence in the home. Having no money, the woman had to give him her balsam, a skin-care product which is used for tired feet and legs. After drinking the combination of plant extracts, he began demanding sex. Not feeling well, the old woman refused, a police representative told a newspaper correspondent. The husband then became angry, grabbed a hatchet and tried to kill his wife. But she was swifter. She snatched away the hatchet and hacked her husband several times in self defense. After the melee, she had first decided to hide the body, even dismembering it to make it more compact. But later she changed her mind and decided to tell the police and her relatives about the murder.

Programming is like sex

One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Once you get started, you’ll only stop because you’re exhausted.

It takes another experienced person to really appreciate what you’re doing.

Conversely, there’s some odd people who pride themselves on their lack of experience.

You can do it for money or for fun.

If you spend more time doing it than watching TV, people think you’re some kind of freak.

It’s not really an appropriate topic for dinner conversation.

There’s not enough taught about it in public school.

It doesn’t make any sense at all if you try to explain it in strictly clinical terms.

Some people are just naturally good.

But some people will never realize how bad they are, and you’re wasting your time trying to tell them.

There are a few weirdos with bizarre practices nobody really is comfortable with.

One little thing going wrong can ruin everything.

It’s a great way to spend a lunch break.

Everyone acts like they’re the first person to come up with a new technique.

Everyone who’s done it pokes fun at those who haven’t.

Beginners do a lot of clumsy fumbling about.

You’ll miss it if it’s been a while.

There’s always someone willing to write about the only right way to do things.

It doesn’t go so well when you’re drunk, but you’re more likely to do it.

Sometimes it’s fun to use expensive toys.

Other people just get in the way.

Create your own Kama Sutra

Click Here

Man who posed as teen girl on the Internet gets 30 days in jail

A 58-year-old Mountain Home man will serve 30 days in jail after being sentenced Tuesday in District Court on a charge of endangering the welfare of a minor after he posed as a 16-year-old girl on the Internet. Doug Beckman was sentenced to one year in jail and fined $1,000 by District Judge Van Gearhart. The judge suspended all but 90 days. Of those, Beckman will serve 30 days in jail and perform 60 days of community service for the city of Mountain Home. Beckman was put on supervised probation for the remaining nine months of his sentence and was ordered to pay $1,000 for the girl's counseling if the family seeks counseling. "To some, that may seem like a lot and to many others, not enough," Gearhart said. Tuesday was the sentencing phase of Beckman's case. Last month, he entered a guilty plea to the charge. Beckman posed as a girl while chatting with other men in Internet chatrooms and arranged to meet them in Mountain Home, according to police records. One of those men e-mailed the messages to a counselor at Mountain Home High School. He said he was concerned when he learned the conversations included another man inviting the alleged girl "BlondeMegan" — also known as "Megan" — to bring her 11-year-old sister to a meeting for sexual relations, according to a Mountain Home Police Department report. The school counselor notified the MHPD.

More Pics Here

Crazy Babe

More Pics Here

Zach Galifianakis - Comedy Central Special

80 year old trades crack for sex

An 80-year-old man acknowledged Wednesday that he dealt drugs at his house in return for sex with prostitutes. Felix Cocco of Pittsburgh pleaded guilty to charges of possession of a controlled substance, possession with intent to deliver and possession of drug paraphernalia. Police said Cocco had been dealing drugs for nearly a year when he was arrested in November. Officers seized crack cocaine, a digital scale and packaging materials, police said. Authorities said they caught Cocco dealing again in February. When an Allegheny County judge asked Cocco why he chose a new profession so late in life, Cocco replied, "I was trying to stay alive, your honor _ pay my bills." Cocco's lawyer, Martha Bailor, told the court her client wanted to remain sexually active after his wife died three years ago, and turned to prostitutes. "He decided it's cheaper to pay for sex with crack than cash," she said. Prosecutors said they would not seek mandatory sentences if the defense agreed to a six-to-18-month jail term. The judge ordered an evaluation of Cocco's health after Bailor expressed concern about Cocco's vulnerability in jail. Cocco remains under house arrest while he awaits sentencing scheduled for Oct. 2.

Full Story Here

KNIGHTLEY STUNNED BY DIGITAL BUST ENHANCEMENT

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY was shocked when she saw the first movie posters for her film KING ARTHUR, because her breasts were digitally enhanced to a ridiculous size. The actress played GUINEVERE in the film and was stunned to see her normally modest bust spilling out of her corset in promotional posters. She explains, "Those things certainly weren't mine! I remember we had an interesting discussion when (the studio) said, 'We want to make them slightly larger. And you'll get approval.' "I was like, 'OK, fine. I honestly don't give a s**t.' But then they showed me the first copy and these things must have been double Es, and they were down to my knees! "I was like, 'I don't mind you making them bigger, but don't give me f**king droopy breasts! They look like your grandmother's t**s!' So, for the posters, they were back to the C-cup." It wasn't the only time the star was left devastated by her small chest - the editors of an unnamed women's glossy insisted her chest would have to be photographically enhanced before they'd consider putting the Brit on the cover. She tells Elle magazine, "I did one magazine and found out you're not actually allowed to be on their cover without at least a C-cup because it turns people off. "Apparently they've done the market research and found that women want to see no less than a C-cup on other women... so they made my t**s bigger."

How Many Condoms Can You Wear at Once?

Some of you may have heard of the practice of “double bagging” – wearing two condoms during sex for extra protection (something not recommended by most condom manufacturers) . Taking this idea to its ultimate extreme, we set out to answer the question “How many condoms can you put on your dick?” However, since we were unable to find anyone with a penis willing to undertake this assignment, we had to settle for answering the question “How many condoms can you put on a dildo?” The answer: a lot. Hundreds. Tons. Or at least a couple of pounds worth. See what happened as we layered on the latex.

Full Story Here

Dirty Bushes

2 Second Tent

Outdoor-goods peddler Quechua has come up with a solution for people who like camping except for all that work and stuff: the 2-second tent. As in that's how long it takes to set up. Yes, 2 seconds; simply toss the folded-up tent in the air, and by the time it hits the ground, it's pitched. All you have to do then is attach it to the ground with tent pegs so it doesn't blow away or anything. Pretty sweet huh?

Available in two- or three-person sizes, and they're available online now and range in price from about $65 to about $83.

Site Here

Morning sickness 'regulates diet'

Morning sickness might have evolved to ensure pregnant women do not digest too much unhealthy food, say scientists. They found evidence that nausea and vomiting in pregnancy is associated with high intake of sugar, alcohol, oils and meat. In contrast, cereals were least likely to trigger sickness. The University of Liverpool analysis of 56 previous studies in 21 countries appears in the Royal Society's Biological Journal. Morning sickness occurs in the first three months of up to 80% of pregnancies. Until recently, it was thought to be simply an unfortunate by-product of dramatic hormonal changes during early pregnancy. However, research has suggested that morning sickness might have positive consequences - such as a reduced risk of miscarriage.

Full Story Here

Random Hottie

More Pics Here

Lewis Black - Black on Broadway.(Full Show)

Farinelli rises from grave to reveal castrati secrets

Historians and scientists have exhumed the remains of legendary castrato Farinelli in Italy to study the anatomical effects of castration carried out on young boys to turn them into high-pitched stars of the opera. Castrati played heroic male leads in Italian opera from the mid-17th to late 18th century when the bel canto was the rage in Europe. Farinelli, born Carlo Broschi in 1705, was the most famous of them all, in a stage career lasting from 1720 to 1737. Carlo Vitale of the Farinelli Study Centre in Bologna said they had recovered the bodies on Wednesday of the singer and his great-niece, who moved his body from a first grave destroyed in the Napoleonic wars. His final resting place in Bologna's Certosa cemetery was only recently discovered. "They are in a middling state of preservation but the scientists say there is something to work on," Vitale told Reuters from the graveyard, where Farinelli and his great-niece lay beneath a tombstone with a long Latin epitaph. His remains were to be taken to Bologna University for study by a team of scientists including an acoustics expert eager to find remains of the vocal chords and larynx to discover what gave castrati such extraordinary vocal range and power. "This is the only skeleton of them we have," said Nicholas Clapton, a British expert on the castrati. "We want to know if they were like the cartoons at the time depicted them, tall and dangly, or with women's breasts and large buttocks, or like the grand gentleman in Farinelli's official portraits," he told Reuters.

Full Story Here

Built In Shelf

(WARNING BULLSHIT!!!!) Paris Hilton is giving up sex for a year.

The hotel heiress has imposed the ban on herself because she is convinced that abstaining from all carnal activity will help her to "rediscover" herself. She said: "I'm doing it just because I want to. I feel I'm becoming stronger as a person.
"Every time I have a boyfriend, I'm just so romantic, and I'll put all my energy into the guy, and I don't really pay attention to myself." Paris, who is releasing her first single 'Stars Are Blind' this month, recently revealed she doesn't believe in one night stands - because they are "gross". She said: "One-night stands are not for me. I think it's gross when you just give it up. "Guys want you more if you don't just hand it to them on a platter. If they want you, then they will wait. "You have to make them work for it. I think that's the only way you know if they really want you or just want to be able to brag that they've been with you."

Full Story Here

Chill Pill

Hotel guests often leave more than a tip behind

Cellphone chargers. Designer clothing. Computers. Empty suitcases. Dentures. Fake limbs. Sex toys. Ask any hotel housekeeper in the city about the things that guests leave behind, and you're bound to hear a peal of laughter in response. "You wouldn't believe what people forget to take with them," said Vincent Mellet, director of housekeeping services at the Delta Hotel on University St. "We see it all." This summer, Montreal's hotels are more packed than ever, with the city's 481,230 rooms enjoying an occupancy rate of more than 80 per cent. By far the most common items housekeepers find are cellphone chargers and clothes. But occasionally something more unusual is left behind by guests who check out without checking under the bed.
A guest at the Fairmont Queen Elizabeth Hotel on Rene Levesque Blvd. W. once forgot a prosthetic leg, hotel spokesperson Joanne Papineau said. "We don't know how he got home," she said. Items of an even more intimate nature occasionally turn up. "Every now and then I find a dildo," one housekeeper at the Queen E said in a lowered voice.
A housekeeper at the Holiday Inn Select on Viger Ave. W., who spoke on condition that her name not be used, once found an inflatable doll, she said with a chuckle.
Needless to say, no one called to claim it. Housekeepers do hear from former guests inquiring about lost items, but more often the objects will pile up in a storage room.

Full Story Here

Fitzpatrick’s MySpace bill stirs debate

Bucks County Congressman Mike Fitzpatrick was thrust into the Capitol Hill spotlight Tuesday amid a three-hour hearing on his contentious “MySpace bill.” The bill, officially named the Deleting Online Predators Act, bars children from accessing social networking Web sites, such as MySpace, Friendster and Facebook, at schools and libraries that receive federal technology funding. Fitzpatrick, R-8, said those wildly popular sites have “become a haven for online sexual predators.” “Something must be done to stop the spread of child sexual predators and my legislation is a step in the right direction,” Fitzpatrick said. In his testimony Tuesday before the House Committee on Energy and Commerce, David Zellis, Bucks County’s first district attorney, said child predators scouring MySpace and other sites are “an evolving problem in our community.” Zellis said law enforcement officials in Bucks this year have arrested a 25-year-old man who police said sexually assaulted a 14-year-old boy he met on MySpace, arrested a juvenile for selling drugs on the Web site and investigated street gangs such as the Bloods and Crips who use the site to recruit Bucks teens. While Zellis heartily endorsed Fitzpatrick’s legislation, many committee members as well as school, library and Internet security officials who testified said Fitzpatrick’s plan would do little to protect children. Ted Davis, director of the information technology department at Fairfax County Public Schools in Virginia, said the bill would “not protect students and it will place an added burden on schools.”

Full Story Here

Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis

McD’s launches next strike in breakfast war – in Wrigleyville

McDonald’s Corp. is striking back in the ongoing fast food breakfast war with a new billboard in Wrigleyville. Designed by ad agency Leo Burnett with the input of an engineer, the billboard features a real sundial whose shadow falls on a different breakfast item each hour until noon, when the shadow of the McDonald’s arches are dead center. McDonald’s new sundial billboard. The billboard, which went up near the intersection of Clark and Addison on Friday, is the latest in a campaign aimed at urging Chicagoans to turn to McDonald’s for breakfast. “McDonald’s invented breakfast in the quick service restaurant industry,” says Rob Jackson, McDonald’s regional marketing director for the greater Chicago region, which includes parts of Wisconsin and Indiana. Oak Brook-based McDonald’s, which launched the Egg McMuffin in 1973, has been facing more competition lately in its hometown. In May, Starbucks began selling warm breakfast sandwiches in Chicago and Wendy’s, which is testing breakfast items in some markets, may eventually roll out breakfast nationwide. “As competition heats up, we want to make sure we have the value, variety and convenience customers look for,” Mr. Jackson says. “Breakfast is a very critical part of our business, and our goal in Chicago is to demonstrate our variety at breakfast.”

Full Story Here

Hottie Of the Day Gemma Field

More Pics Here

Meeting

Eaten alive by heroin

THESE shocking photos show the terrible toll that heroin addiction has taken on 27-year-old Rachael Keogh.

Now she could face the terrifying prospect of having both her ravaged arms AMPUTATED as her flesh is eaten away.

Rachael admits she is a walking warning of the dangers of drugs — yet she still cannot give up.

Telling of her plight, she said: “It’s an absolute nightmare. I’m terrified of losing my arms. The doctors are serious, they’ve warned me.

“They told me, ‘You’re going to lose your arms if you continue to use drugs, we’re going to have to amputate them’, but I just can’t stop.

“I don’t have the strength to do it on my own. I need help.”

Tragic Rachael started injecting heroin when she was only 15 — and more than a decade of abuse has destroyed the veins in her arms.

Full Story Here

Killer kangaroo, demon duck of doom roamed Outback

Forget cute, cuddly marsupials. A team of Australian palaeontologists say they have found the fossilised remains of a fanged killer kangaroo and what they describe as a "demon duck of doom".

A University of New South Wales team said the fearsome fossils were among 20 previously unknown species uncovered at a site in northwest Queensland state.

Professor Michael Archer said on Wednesday the remains of a meat-eating kangaroo with wolf-like fangs were found as well as a galloping kangaroo with long forearms that could not hop like a modern kangaroo.

"Because they didn't hop, these were galloping kangaroos, with big, powerful forelimbs. Some of them had long canines (fangs) like wolves," Archer told Australian Broadcasting Corp radio.

Vertebrate palaeontologist Sue Hand said modern kangaroos look almost nothing like their ferocious forebears, which lived between 10 million and 20 million years ago.

The species found at the dig had "well muscled-in teeth, not for grazing. These things had slicing crests that could have crunched through bone and sliced off flesh", Hand said.

The team also found prehistoric lungfish and large duck-like birds.

"Very big birds ... more like ducks, earned the name 'demon duck of doom', some at least may have been carnivorous as well," Hand told ABC radio.

Archer said the team was studying the fossils to better understand how they were affected by changing climates in the Miocene epoch between 5 million and 24 million years ago.