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Done with the eulogy? Bring out the strippers!

When we first heard stories of people burning paper condoms at funerals for their dead relatives, we were a little creeped out. OK, maybe more than a little. But, just when things couldn’t seem to get any weirder, they did. Burning paper condoms? Fuggedaboutit! How about some hot, live striptease action at the service? Cyndi, Bambi and Randi (or whatever their Chinese equivalents are) gyrating their young, supple flesh over grandpa Zhang’s cold, dead body. What a great sendoff -- just as grandpa had always wanted. As usual, Shanghai Daily has the skinny:

Farmers in a small Jiangsu town (Donghai/东海) host strippers at their funerals to attract larger crowds, China Central Television reported the unique custom on Monday.

The local people believe that the more people gathered at a funeral, the more luck it will bring to the family and offspring. So some families hire striptease troupes to attract more people, the report said.

Some strippers even take off the trousers of male viewers and persuade them to join in the dancing, while others bathe in public or perform nude with snakes.

Sounds like a whale of a good time, or snake in this case. People have always said that the last rites ought to be a celebration of the deceased's life. Shanghaiist can’t think of a more festive approach. Besides, just because you’re dead doesn’t mean the whole village has to stop partying. No word whether one kuai bills were handed out to revelers mourners, although that probably wouldn’t have been appropriate ... but who knows?

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Vintage Stripper

No, Keith, you can't always smoke where you want

KEITH RICHARDS has survived heroin addiction, brain surgery, a night in jail and assorted excesses during 44 years with the Rolling Stones.
At 62 he probably thought that his most scandalous days had passed. That was before unadulterated tobacco created a cloud of controversy around the guitarist.

Richards appeared to light and smoke a cigarette on stage during a Stones concert in Glasgow — an act unlikely to have got him into trouble since his schooldays but which is now illegal in Scotland.

It may have been a characteristic act of rebellion — or an understandable lapse of memory, given his age — but Richards seemed unaware of the ban on smoking in enclosed, public places, which was introduced in March.

Now Glasgow City Council is investigating the alleged incident, at the event at Hampden Park on Friday night. The venue had barred smoking three months before the Scotland-wide ban was introduced.

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Stinking DNA dishes doggie-door suspect

A suspected doggie-door burglar who ripped off an Albuquerque police officer in May took guns, a uniform and badge but left behind a pile of evidence.
That pile, fresh excrement deposited beside the house, provide the DNA necessary to arrest the alleged burglar. Raymond Parker, 29, was arraigned today on various charges and is being held under a $100,000 bond.

In May Officer Lawrence Martinez woke up at 6.30 a.m. and discovered that during the night someone crawled through the doggie door in his garage. The officer’s uniform and keys were in the garage.

The burglar took the keys, popped open the trunk to the patrol car in the driveway raiding it and a safe of the officer’s badge, department-issued Glock 17 handgun and a Remington shotgun.

But there was also another disturbing discovery made on the side of the house where the suspect had apparently left the disgusting pile of DNA.

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Barbie Suicide

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Porn Up, Rape Down

The incidence of rape in the United States has declined 85% in the past 25 years while access to pornography has become freely available to teenagers and adults. The Nixon and Reagan Commissions tried to show that exposure to pornographic materials produced social violence. The reverse may be true: that pornography has reduced social violence.

Tom Waits - God's Away On Business

Unknown creature was found by soldiers

This creature was found by Russian soldiers on Sakhalin shoreline. Sakhalin area is situated near to Japan, it’s the most eastern part of Russia, almost 5000 miles to East from Moscow (Russia is huge). People don’t know who is it. According to the bones and teeth - it is not a fish. According to its skeleton - it’s not a crocodile or alligator. It has a skin with hair or fur. It has been said that it was taken by Russian special services for in-depth studies, and we are lucky that people who encountered it first made those photos before it was brought away.

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Pluto gets the boot

Leading astronomers declared Thursday that Pluto is no longer a planet under historic new guidelines that downsize the solar system from nine planets to eight.

After a tumultuous week of clashing over the essence of the cosmos, the International Astronomical Union stripped Pluto of the planetary status it has held since its discovery in 1930. The new definition of what is -- and isn't -- a planet fills a centuries-old black hole for scientists who have labored since Copernicus without one.

Although astronomers applauded after the vote, Jocelyn Bell Burnell -- a specialist in neutron stars from Northern Ireland who oversaw the proceedings -- urged those who might be "quite disappointed" to look on the bright side.

"It could be argued that we are creating an umbrella called 'planet' under which the dwarf planets exist," she said, drawing laughter by waving a stuffed Pluto of Walt Disney fame beneath a real umbrella.

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Golf Facts

World's tallest man

Xi Shun (China, b. 1951), measured 7 ft 8.95 in (2 m 36.1 cm) as a result of six measurements taken on January 15, 2005, at Chifeng City Hospital, Inner Mongolia, China.

Beating the previous holder Radhouane Charbib (Tunisia) by just 2 mm (0.07 in), Xi Shun claims that his height was normal for his age until he was 16. As a comparison, his father stood at 5 ft 10.8 in (1.8 m) and his mother was 5 ft 2.8 in (1.6 m) tall.

In his late teens, he experienced a growth spurt that, while not normal, was seemingly without any cause. Doctors who examined him in 2005 discovered no evidence of gigantism or acromegaly, and could not explain why he grew so tall so fast (it took him just seven years to reach his record height).

Following a career in the Army – he was recruited for his basketball skills! – he returned to Inner Mongolia and works as a herdsman. He also hires himself out for publicity stunts for a local restaurant and tailor.

Boy aged four battered with brick

A four-year-old boy was left with a fractured skull and part of his ear hanging off after he was battered with a brick on wasteland near his home.
Charlie Davis was found by a couple walking in the area in Hessle, near Hull, East Yorkshire, on Thursday.

He was taken to Hull Royal Infirmary where he had surgery to repair his ear, and was released on Saturday evening.

The attack is thought to have happened just before midday on Thursday, after Charlie went to play with a friend.

A Humberside Police spokeswoman said: "This little boy has suffered a nasty attack and has some horrible injuries."

A scan showed Charlie's brain was not injured in the attack, which happened about 200 metres from his Danes Drive home, on a strip of wasteland next to Station Road close to the Hull-Hessle railway line.
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911 Makes A Joke Out Of The Call

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Preacher defends belief women can't teach men

A U.S. Baptist preacher has publicly defended himself for firing a female Sunday School teacher after more than 50 years on the job because he believes the Bible bans women from teaching men.

Watertown First Baptist Church Pastor Tim LaBouf, also a city council member in Watertown, N.Y., said women could fulfill any role or responsibility they wanted to -- outside the church.

"My belief is that the qualifications for both men and women teaching spiritual matters in a church setting end at the church door, period," LaBouf said in a statement on the church Web site (http://www.nnyinfo.com/firstbaptist).

LaBouf and the church board sacked Mary Lambert, 81, earlier this month in a letter that cited the scriptural qualifications for Sunday School teachers, Lambert said.

"They quote First Timothy Two, 11-14: A woman should learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she must be silent," Lambert said, reading from the letter.

"I was astonished," she said. "I would not go back and teach as long as this is their thinking."

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128 Students Suspended at Ind. School

Classrooms were a little less crowded at Morton High School on the first day of classes: 128 students were sent home for wearing the wrong clothes.

Fed up with inappropriate outfits, the principal suspended the students for one day Wednesday, minutes after doors opened at the school. Those suspended represent more than 10 percent of the 1,200 total students.

The offending attire -- including baggy pants, low-cut shirts, tank tops and graphic T-shirts -- are banned from classrooms. Students were also cited for cell phone use.

"This was the worst year I've seen in a long time," said Principal Theresa Mayerik. "It's gotten out of control, and we needed to send a message that we're not messing around."

The Hammond school usually has 20 dress code violations a day.
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'No you don't' to wee-hour 'I do's'

Clark County could have saved Britney Spears a lot of grief if it had cut the graveyard shift at its marriage license bureau 2 1/2 years ago.

After a night of clubbing at the Palms, the pop singer infamously married a childhood friend from Louisiana about 5:30 a.m. at the Little White Wedding Chapel on Las Vegas Boulevard. After catching up on sleep, Spears had the marriage annulled two days later.

For better or worse, getting hitched on the spur of the moment is a long-standing tradition in Las Vegas, where weddings have been no exception to the city's 24/7 lifestyle.

But as of next week, spontaneous late night I-do's will become just another footnote in this town's fabled history.

Citing a tight budget, Clark County commissioners last week granted County Clerk Shirley Parraguirre's request to reduce hours at the Marriage License Bureau, eliminating the office's weekend and holiday midnight-to-8 a.m. shift.

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Hottie Of The Day Jade Star

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