The Asphole: 07/09/06

Puppy

MICHAEL JACKSON sent a porn movie producer to Brazil to adopt boys ...

MICHAEL JACKSON sent a porn movie producer to Brazil to adopt boys for him. The claim was made by Marc Schaffel who is suing the star for £2.8million in unpaid expenses and fees. Schaffel told a court he travelled to Brazil once or twice a year between 1999 and 2001. He said: "Mr Jackson wanted to adopt some boys." The jury earlier saw a video of Jackson denying he made a secret pay-off to a family in Argentina. Schaffel claims he was sent to Buenos Aires to deliver the money. His lawyer Howard King asked Jackson: "Have you ever asked Mr Schaffel to take possession of money that was your money?" The singer replied: "Take possession? No. Not that I recall." King said: "Have you ever considered Mr Schaffel to be such a close adviser that you entrusted him with secrets you wanted nobody else to know?" "No," answered Jackson. The pop star's testimony contradicts earlier witnesses at the court at Santa Monica, California. Jackson's former financial adviser Alvin Malnik said the star told him to send Schaffel £200,000 to take care of an "urgent" situation. Schaffel told jurors Jackson sent him to South America and he withdrew £200,000 from his own overseas account. The former gay porn producer's books show the money being paid to a mysterious "Mr X". He claims he was never paid back by the singer. He also says Jackson owes him for loans and work he did on a charity record and TV shows. But Jackson alleges Schaffel kept his sculptures and paintings.

Deputy arrested after sex offer to inmate

A Nassau County Sheriff's Office evidence custodian has been arrested on charges of official misconduct, tampering with evidence, battery and unnatural and lascivious acts. He reportedly played pornographic tapes in front of a male jail inmate and offered to perform oral sex on the inmate. Jarrett Wade Hodges, 36, originally was suspended with pay last week after investigators began auditing the department's "high liability" evidence, such as drugs, guns and money. Nassau County Sheriff Tommy Seagraves confirmed Thursday morning that Hodges, a sworn law enforcement officer who worked in the evidence room, was suspended June 30. He declined to be more specific about the matter.In a press release Thursday afternoon, Seagraves announced Hodges had been arrested. According to Seagraves' written statement, Hodges asked the victim, a 24-year-old inmate, if he wanted to enter the evidence room. "While in the evidence room, ... Hodges grabbed and fondled the victim's genitals and offered to perform oral sex on the victim ... (he) told the victim that things could go either hard or easy and that the victim could get into a lot of trouble," Seagraves said in the written statement. Hodges reportedly stopped his actions when he realized the victim was wired.

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Um Ya

Chick Fight!!!!!

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Sunday Is Nun Day

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Geting Nun

Sources within the Vatican yesterday revealed that, in what is seen as a something of a faux pas, His Holiness the Pope was sent a nun-a-gram by unidentified colleagues.

The incident occurred during the pontiff's most recent birthday celebrations. A woman masquerading as a nun approached His Holiness, genuflected, and asked for absolution with the words, "Forgive me, Holy Father, for I am about to sin". She then ripped off the lower half of her habit to reveal a pair of black suspenders and stockings, and proceeded to embark upon a slow, highly erotic strip-tease.

"The birthday surprise completely backfired," said an anonymous Vatican source. "His Holiness clearly didn't understand what on earth was going on. He seemed to think he was at a new type of beatification ceremony or something."

"Nobody's admitted to pulling the stunt," continued the source, "but I'm damn sure it'll have been that Cardinal Linguini up to his practical jokes again: that fake nun had his fingerprint all over her."

His Holiness the Pope was unavailable for comment.

Chloe Vevrier

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Men And Women

Japan 'won't change NK resolution'

Japan won't compromise on the stern wording of a U.N. resolution it sponsored seeking sanctions against North Korea over its missile tests and is pushing for a Monday vote despite opposition from China, Foreign Minister Taro Aso said Sunday.

"To compromise because of one country which has veto power, even though most other countries support us, sends the wrong message," Aso told national broadcaster NHK, adding that a vote is expected on Monday. "We can't alter our stance."

Japan's stiffening attitude comes ahead of a looming showdown over a resolution it introduced to the U.N. Security Council on Friday that would impose sanctions on North Korea for a series of rocket test-launches on Wednesday that rattled Northeast Asia and beyond.

Among the missiles tested was one believed capable of reaching U.S. shores.

The United States, Britain and France also back the resolution, but China, one of the five U.N. Security Council members with veto power, has opposed the resolution

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Just Add Water

Two Girls In The Hottest Kiss Scene Ever

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The sex toy Olympics

nerve.com's Jen Miller checks our a range of sex toys, from glass dildos to a talking vibrator

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Calvin

Sex's new rock-star status

What is the 21st-century Pornopolis?

It's "My Bare Lady," a Fox reality television show that will send female porn stars to London this year, where they will "act" in theater.

It's the "Next American Sex Star," an "Apprentice"-like production on the Playboy Channel, in which striving starlets vie to be part of Jenna Jameson's stable of entertainers.

It's nude celebrities brooding on the cover of Vanity Fair magazine in February.

It's even the disturbing images from Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, broadcast for all the world to see in 2004.

It's publishing houses like Harlequin and HarperCollins starting lines of even steamier romance novels.

It's even the word "porn," which now is used to describe a variety of relationships consumers have with compelling things. The Canadian province of Quebec, for instance, promoted itself with the tag "Food Porn" in a recent advertising campaign. A Slate.com writer referred to The New York Times' "Vows" column as "bridal porn."

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Super Soaker Flame Thrower

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Green Jelly - Three Little Pigs

Five soldiers charged in Iraq rape-murder case

Four U.S. soldiers in Iraq are charged with participation in the "rape and murder of a young Iraqi woman and three members of her family," the U.S. military said Sunday. A fifth soldier is accused of dereliction of duty for failing to report the offenses. All five are charged with conspiring with former Pfc. Steven D. Green to commit the crimes, the military said, in connection with the incident in March in Mahmoudiya, Iraq. There have been conflicting reports about the alleged rape victim's age. Sunday, Reuters news agency released documents indicating that she was 14. Reuters said identification cards and death certificates give the victim's date of birth as August 19, 1991. The mayor of Mahmoudiya confirmed that birth date to CNN. However, a Justice Department affidavit in the case against Green says investigators estimated victim's age at about 25, while the U.S. military said she was 20. The U.S. military statement Sunday made clear that officials are aware of the discrepancies and that her age is an important part of the investigation.

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FBI plans new Net-tapping push

The FBI has drafted sweeping legislation that would require Internet service providers to create wiretapping hubs for police surveillance and force makers of networking gear to build in backdoors for eavesdropping, CNET News.com has learned.

FBI Agent Barry Smith distributed the proposal at a private meeting last Friday with industry representatives and indicated it would be introduced by Sen. Mike DeWine, an Ohio Republican, according to two sources familiar with the meeting.

The draft bill would place the FBI's Net-surveillance push on solid legal footing. At the moment, it's ensnared in a legal challenge from universities and some technology companies that claim the Federal Communications Commission's broadband surveillance directives exceed what Congress has authorized.

The FBI claims that expanding the 1994 Communications Assistance for Law Enforcement Act is necessary to thwart criminals and terrorists who have turned to technologies like voice over Internet Protocol, or VoIP.

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