The Asphole: 05/19/06

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A Hunting She Will Go

BOOBIES!!!!

This Is Going To Hurt

Man denied bid to sell amputated leg

A New Zealander's plan to sell his amputated leg has been tripped up by police and an internet auction website.

Shane Torrance (42), whose tattooed right leg was amputated 15 months ago, wants to sell it to cover his debts and raise money for his daughter who has diabetes, The Nelson Mail reported on Thursday.

He wanted to auction the limb, which he keeps in a freezer, on the auction website Trade Me with a reserve of NZ$3 000.

But the leg was withdrawn from the website within hours of being listed.

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'10 years' to deport all illegals

An immigration minister has said it could take 10 years to deport all the illegal immigrants living in the UK.

Tony McNulty, speaking on BBC Two's Newsnight, said 310,000 to 570,000 was "roughly in the ball park" of how many illegal immigrants were in the country.

He said it would take a decade to remove them, on the basis that only so many could be deported each year.

Earlier Tony Blair had come under fire after saying there were no official figure estimates of illegal immigrants.

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Quest for bigger breasts ruins bodies

A curvaceous body is becoming the benchmark for beauty in China and many women are paying big bucks to attain that dream figure.

But up to 300,000 may have paid too high a price. The dream of beauty is in ruins; and worse, their health might have been irreparably damaged.

The women went through a popular operation to inject a colloidal liquid named Ao Mei Ding which translates as "man-made fat" into their breasts for enhancement.

Many are in such agony that they can hardly sleep; and some have had the harrowing experience of having their breasts removed to save their lives.

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Out-of-power Taliban Resumes Public Executions

Almost five years after being thrown out of power as a result of the U.S. military intervention in Afghanistan, the Taliban has gained sufficient strength in some remote parts of the country to resume public executions of people convicted of murder by pro-Taliban Islamic courts.

In the first week of May, the Taliban claimed that Badshah Khan, a convict, was executed in the presence of a large number of people in central Urozgan Province.

Badshah Khan was tried by a Taliban-appointed Shariah (Islamic) court and found guilty of murdering one Fateh Khan, according to Taliban spokesman Qari Yousaf Ahmadi. Speaking on satellite phone from an undisclosed location in Afghanistan, Ahmadi said the court included Ulema (religious scholars), who sentenced Badshah Khan to death after trying him under Islamic law.

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Rev's let us pee in church

The sound of a preacher having a piss was broadcast to his entire congregation. The Rev John Hawdon accidentally left his radio mike on when he nipped to the loo.

Worshippers heard him making quite a splash as he urinated into the pan.

Churchgoers giggled as they heard him sigh contentedly, flush the toilet — then wash his hands. The Rev Hawdon, 47, — a RELIEF minister at Longforgan Parish Church, Dundee, said last night: “I actually had a ‘walk’ during the service, as I often do.

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Drinkers throw stools at pub raiders

Patrons at a bar in Sydney have foiled masked robbers by throwing stools at them. Three men wearing hooded jackets and with their faces disguised, entered the hotel in Abercrombie Street, Chippendale, just after 9pm yesterday, police said.

One of them was armed with a large knife and threatened a female worker, demanding cash while his companions guarded the bar.

But a patron confronted the man and a struggle ensued, during which other drinkers began throwing bar stools at the men.

All three offenders fled empty-handed and were last seen running down Eveleigh Street.

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Delray Beach Baby Thrown From Car

A 20-year-old man angry about breaking up with his son's mother threw the baby out a car window early Thursday, smashed the 9-month-old's head on the car's hood and then tossed him into a canal to die, police said.

Charles Edward Tyson reportedly returned to where he had left the infant's mother, Shermaka Mosley, 17, and said: "You better go get your baby before the alligators get him."

Tyson took Mosley back to the canal where he had discarded Charles Edward Tyson Jr., police said. Then he walked home.

When police got to his house on Southwest Second Street around 3:20 a.m., Tyson calmly walked outside, put his hands on a patrol car and said, "Take me to jail."

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'Naked Rambler' Arrested After Stripping on Plane

Britain's "naked rambler," who has had numerous brushes with the law for nudity on land, was arrested Thursday after shedding his clothes aboard an aircraft.

Stephen Gough, 47, was on his way to Edinburgh for a hearing at the Appeal Court, where he was challenging four contempt of court citations for nudity in Scotland.

Police arrested the former marine at Edinburgh Airport. At the Appeal Court, three justices decided that Gough's case merited a full hearing, on a date to be set. Lord Johnston urged Gough's lawyers to persuade their client that he was "doing himself no good" by continuing to go naked.

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Two women fired for watching porn at work

Two women have been fired for watching porn films starring men with huge manhoods — on computers at a sausage roll factory.

Eight other staff have been suspended after a probe by meaty snack firm Palethorpes into material downloaded off the internet.

A worker at the plant — which also makes pork pies and pasties for chains such as Asda — said: “Bosses are furious.

“The place is full of jokes about sausage rolls and pork swords. It’s very embarrassing for a well-known company.”

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Boob Tag

Generations of children have played the game of tag on playgrounds, but one middle school student got in trouble with police for playing a variation of the game.

Police in Golden booked Cole Sharpe, 14, from Bell Middle School after a girl accused him of touching her breasts during a game called "boob tag".

"It's just like tag except you, like, poke the breast area," Sharpe said. The teenager was later released while police investigate him on a possible charge of unlawful sexual contact.

"I have no tolerance for sex offenses but I don't feel that this is one of them," said Lynn Sharpe, Cole's mother. "I'm fearful that this is going to reflect on him and maybe tag him for the rest of his life."

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Drug boosts women's sex drive

A New Jersey drug company says an inhaler it’s working on could be the long-sought female version of Viagra.

Palatin Technologies of Fort Lee says it’s had encouraging results in both men and women with Bremolanotide, which stimulates the brain, rather than the genitals.

The company’s director of preclinical development says it may help women who lack desire and have trouble getting aroused.

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Elvis extravaganza to go on tour

A show based on the life of Elvis Presley is to be produced by renowned theatre company Cirque du Soleil.

The company will also help design "interactive, multimedia museums," said a spokesman for CKX, the firm which owns Elvis Presley Enterprises.

The shows, which will feature the music of the legendary singer, are expected to tour Europe and Asia in 2008.

The museums will be called Elvis Experiences, but it is not yet known where they will be based.

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Poll for 40,000 men in 42 countries how they please their women

When it comes to wooing women, men aren't perfect. But perhaps guys are more selfless than their rep suggests. Men's Health asked readers from all 35 international editions -- our largest global survey ever -- what sexual skills they'd most like to improve. The most common answers: seducing a woman more effectively and bringing her to orgasm every time. Of course, there's another way to read this.

It could be that men from Argentina to Ukraine simply realize that our pleasure rises and falls with hers -- that by stoking her fires, they'll have hotter sex more often. To that end, we interviewed hundreds of women and sex experts from around the globe. The result is what follows: an expert lesson in the universal language of lust.

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Town won't let unmarried parents live together

Black Jack Council, Missouri City has rejected a measure allowing unmarried couples with multiple children to live together, and the mayor said those who fall into that category could soon face eviction.

Olivia Shelltrack and Fondrey Loving were denied an occupancy permit after moving into a home in this St. Louis suburb because they have three children and are not married.

Black Jack's special counsel, Sheldon Stock, declined to say whether the city will seek to remove Loving and Shelltrack from their home.

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