The Asphole: 06/16/06

Its True

WTF

Before & After

Protest

Prosecutors played the Guns 'N' Roses song "Used to Love Her" In Murder Trial

Prosecutors played the Guns 'N' Roses song "Used to Love Her" Wednesday in court for the jury in the trial of a St. Johns County man charged with murdering his wife.

The prosecution said Justin Barber downloaded the song on his computer the day he murdered his wife, April. They said the lyrics to the song were key evidence in the case against Barber.

The lyrics: "I used to love her, but I had to kill her. I had to put her six feet under," prosecutors said, are eerily similar to what happened the night of April Barber's death.

An expert in the field testified that the song was downloaded on Aug. 17, 2002, at 5:16 p.m.

The defense questioned why the prosecutors only referred to one of the songs downloaded.

More Pics Here

Drunk armed with vodka steals cop car

Police in Boston say that drivers who spotted a man at the wheel of a squad car holding a bottle of vodka and ordering them to pull over was not a real officer.

Several people called to report Jeffrey Jarosz's behavior, the Boston Herald reported.

Jarosz, who the Herald said already had a long rap sheet, mostly for driving while intoxicated and alcohol-related assaults, is being held in lieu of $100,000 bail on a list of charges that include impersonating an officer, stealing the police car and, yes, driving while intoxicated. His most recent address has been the Pine Street Inn, a well-known Boston shelter.

Jarosz allegedly grabbed the car, which belonged to the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority police, from a South Boston garage where it was being repaired.

"Witnesses stated he had lights and sirens on, and he was behind the wheel pointing and yelling at people to pull over," David Procopio, a spokesman for the Suffolk district attorney told the Herald.

Police forces in Boston are reconsidering the circumstances in which they leave keys in squad cars.

Girls banned for flashing breasts

Two teen-age girls were banned from a church festival in Greenwood after flashing their breasts to get extended time on one of the amusment rides, police said.

Police Chief Joe Pitcher said a festival worker extended the carnival ride to more than 20 minutes for the girls, ages 17 and 18.
Officers assigned to festival security questioned the teens. Both admitted to pulling down their shirt tops while on the Orbiter ride at last weekend’s Our Lady of the Greenwood Catholic Church festival, a police report said.

The incident occurred late Saturday night after most people had left, police said.

Both girls were banned from the property for the remainder of the festival, which ended Sunday.

Rev. Jonathan Meyer, a priest at the church, said today he was unaware of the incident.

“It’s a shame these young women didn’t know the great gift and beauty they have as a woman,” Meyer said.

“The body is sacred and holy. We should be sad for them.”

Police called the 17-year-old girl’s parents to the church grounds.

The older girl was told if she returned to the festival she would be arrested for trespassing, Pitcher said.

No criminal charges will be sought, Pitcher said.

How To Hack A Soda Machine

Most modern soda machines have little computers in them. The tiny RED LCD usually displays the data. The computer can be controlled by using certain buttons on the soda machine in different combinations. This can be used to check the temperature, see the amount of money (load and dump), and dump certain sodas. Will usually only work on newer machines that look like the one on the right. They need to have an LCD and also need to have some type of message on it “ICE COLD SODAS” This tells you it is running something.

Full Story Here

Friday Face Shot

Jesus Was Goth

The Proof

Jesus never referred to himself as goth. Everyone knows the gothest thing someone can do is deny he/she is a goth (case in point: Andrew Elritch and The Sisters of Mercy).

He is referred to as Lord Jesus. Even to this day, people call him Lord Jesus, much like other gothlings go by titles such as Lord Ashtoroth, or Lord Wolfbane. It wasn't so cheesy, in the beginning....

He was mocked by "normals." Even the gothest goth of them all was made fun of by ignorant rednecks and trendies.

Jesus was obsessed with death. Yes, he lived and breathed it, to to speak. He hung out in tombs with dead guys like Lazarus. He also spent time with lepers.

Jesus was secretly a vampire. At his last supper he said, "This cup means the new covenant by virtue of my blood." Transubstantiation is nothing but a fancy spell that changes wine into real blood! After all, how else could Jesus promise eternal life? In addition, when Jesus was up on the cross, the sun went dark so he wouldn't get those nasty sunburns vamps are so prone to.

He was always depressed. Think about it. What real Goth is ever happy? With all the exciting masochistic stuff he went through, is it any wonder that "Jesus wept?" He was, after all, known as the "man of sorrows."

Full Story Here

^^ Illustrated^^ Guide to Goth Hunting

Click Here

Are You GOTH?

Do you feel like the evil twin? Do you wish you were a lonely immortal searching for solice away from sunlight? Do you really like black T-shirts? Maybe you're Goth and just didn't know it.

WARNING SIGNS:

Pleasure Through Pain - If you like acting depressed and moody on purpose, you might have Goth tendencies. Of course, if you act in violent ways (i.e. attacking cute, fluffy squirrels in your yard with a spork) then you're not Goth at all - just psychotic.

The Black Hole Closet - If you have trouble picking out clothes to wear because your entire closet contents are black, you might be Goth. However, if you're just wearing black because stains don't show up as well, or because black rarely clashes with itself, you're just fashion paranoid. If you own a cape, you're a legit Goth.

Neurotic Name Changing - If your real name is Todd but you'd rather go by Azrael Abyss, then you're a Goth. If you've changed your name legally to one of the characters in an Anne Rice novel, you're truly scary.

For More Click Here

This Is The Coolest Thing Ever

Click Here

The Vagina Nickname List!

bearded clam
bearded taco
bird's nest
bread-box
breakfast of champions
DNA dumpster
fish mitten
flesh cavern
fly catcher
fuckhole
fur burger
nether lips
Pandora's box
penis warmer
pink cookie
sperm sucker
spitball bullseye
stench-trench
tampon tunnel
the great divide
the promised land
the toothless blow job

Full List Here

Banned Cover Art

For More Click Here

XXX Cookies

1 cup butter softened
1 1/2 cup white sugar
2 tablespoons light corn syrup
4 tablespoons salt
1 egg
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
2 teaspoons ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
Decorator frosting tubes in white, black, red and yellow
Cinnamon candies

For More Click Here

Dan Whitney Before He Was Larry the Cable Guy

Pee Wee

Paul Reubens, better known as “Pee Wee Herman,” was arrested in Florida on July 26, 1991 for indecent exposure in an adult movie theater. In 2002, Reubens was charged with a misdemeanor for possessing illegal sexual material involving children.

Via

Duane Dog Chapman Aka Dog The Bounty Hunter Mugshot

While trying to arrest Max factor's Andrew Luster in Mexico, Celebrity bounty hunter Duane "Dog" Chapman was arrested himself and had his mugshot taken. If that's not enough, United States authorities said they have no plans to award him a bounty of a 1 million dollars for the arrest since bounty-hunting is illegal in Mexico. A bounty hunter behind bars?

Via

God I Miss These Things I Used To Have Tons

For More Click Here

And Here

The Dr. Seuss Collection Of Political Cartoons

Click Here

Charls Manson Fan Club

Write a message to your friends IN BLOOD

bloodyfingermail.com

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

Which Evil Criminal are You?

Which Evil Criminal are You?

What Kind of Goth Are You?

Angry Goth

Which tarot card are you?

I Am

Which tarot card are you?

Which Pot-Smoking Apparatus Are You?

You are a METAL PIPE.

How evil are you?

How evil are you?

Old News Another Texas Chupacabra?

Local animal experts are having a hard time identifying a strange looking animal killed in Angelina County on Friday -- an animal that looks eerily similar to the as yet unidentified "Elmendorf Beast" killed near San Antonio earlier this year.
"What is that?" are the first words out of anyone's mouth when shown photos of the animal, according to Stacy Womack. Womack -- who has more than 20 years experience working at Ellen Trout Zoo and for a local veterinarian -- said she's seen and handled a lot of different animals, but that she's never seen anything like this one. "It's not a dog," she said. "I'd bet my lottery ticket on that." The animal's blue-grey skin is almost hairless and appears to be covered with mange. A closer look at the animal's jaw line reveals a serious overbite and four huge canine teeth, and a long, rat-like tail curls behind the animal's emaciated frame. The animal was shot and killed shortly before noon Friday after crawling under her mother's house in Pollok. Womack said large dogs in the yard "went nuts" and alerted the family, but would only whine and wouldn't go under the house with the animal. Her brother shot the animal, tied a rope around it and dragged it out from under the house for a closer look, she said.

Full Story Here

Top 10: Rock Myths

10 Marilyn Manson was on The Wonder Years
9 Ozzy Osbourne bit a bat's head off
8 Jim Morrison faked his own death
7 Keith Richards received new blood
6 David Bowie and Mick Jagger were caught in bed together
5 Mama Cass choked on a sandwich
4 The Beatles toked up in Buckingham Palace
3 Jimi Hendrix wore an acid-laced bandana
2 Robert Johnson signed a pact with the devil
1 Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain

True Or False find out here

Top 10: Rock Myths

AWOL

Thousands of years ago, when men and women took that first drink, their lungs, nasal passage and bronchial tubes had alcohol passing through them.

That’s why you’ve probably heard: “You smell like you've been drinking again” or “Please exhale in this breathalyzer.”

One of the ways our body gets rid of the alcohol we drink is through the lungs, in our breath.

AWOL simply turns that procedure around and lets the alcohol enter the body through the lungs thus eliminating the dreaded hangover.

AWOL Site

The Quantum Sleeper

The Quantum Sleeper Unit is a high-level security system designed for maximum protection in various hostile environments

Quantum Sleepers can also be fitted to provide protection from destructive forces of nature such as tornados, hurricanes, earthquakes and floods.

The Quantum Sleeper is the ultimate in protection, entertainment and communications, “ ALL ROLLED UP IN ONE”.

PROTECTION
With this unit you don't have to run to a "Safe Room", you're already in it.

ENTERTAINMENT
The Quantuum Sleeper comes with options for:
- CD player,
- DVD Screen with PC hookup,
- Microwave and Refrigerator

COMMUNICATIONS
The Quantum Sleeper comes with options for Cellular Phones, CB and Short-wave Radios

The Quantum Sleeper