Jesus Was Goth

The Proof

Jesus never referred to himself as goth. Everyone knows the gothest thing someone can do is deny he/she is a goth (case in point: Andrew Elritch and The Sisters of Mercy).

He is referred to as Lord Jesus. Even to this day, people call him Lord Jesus, much like other gothlings go by titles such as Lord Ashtoroth, or Lord Wolfbane. It wasn't so cheesy, in the beginning....

He was mocked by "normals." Even the gothest goth of them all was made fun of by ignorant rednecks and trendies.

Jesus was obsessed with death. Yes, he lived and breathed it, to to speak. He hung out in tombs with dead guys like Lazarus. He also spent time with lepers.

Jesus was secretly a vampire. At his last supper he said, "This cup means the new covenant by virtue of my blood." Transubstantiation is nothing but a fancy spell that changes wine into real blood! After all, how else could Jesus promise eternal life? In addition, when Jesus was up on the cross, the sun went dark so he wouldn't get those nasty sunburns vamps are so prone to.

He was always depressed. Think about it. What real Goth is ever happy? With all the exciting masochistic stuff he went through, is it any wonder that "Jesus wept?" He was, after all, known as the "man of sorrows."

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