Hot times in the Ice Age

Last year German archeologists found the 14th piece to a jumble of 13 fragments of siltstone, leading them to reassemble one of the earliest representations of male sexuality — and possibly the world’s first dildo. It is dated at roughly 28,000 years, and considering the trouble I have getting dated at a mere 44, I congratulate it. I might have better luck if I had a rock-solid 8 inches, as this thing has, but then, mine has never shattered into 14 pieces. Of course, no one has ever used mine to shape flints with, as certain markings on this one indicate, and gods help them if they do. At about 8 x1 inches of highly polished inches, the thing is a pleasant size and texture, and its etched markings “leave little doubt as to its symbolic nature,” according to a report on BBC news. The article offers nothing additional to support the assertion by experts that “its life size suggests it may well have been used as a sex aid by its Ice Age makers,” but with such a thing laying about the cave, who could resist? I just hope they warmed the thing by the fire before use. It was the Ice Age, after all, and we all know what happens when you touch moist body parts to freezing-cold objects.

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